Different post..

been a month or so.. can't remember.. totally forgot  that i had a blog thing
ah well... just because i cant rlly give a flying fuck about this i'll just post some artists and titles of songs that i tend to listen to..

In Flames :
Dead alone
My sweet shadow
Free Fall
Dial 595-escape
The quiet place
Transparent

Ill niño :
What comes around
When it cuts
Unreal
How can i live
Te amo...

Scars of life :
Water in my hands
Pool of fears
Descending
Silent words
Mute

Pulse ultra :
Acceptance (Phase 1)
Finding my place (phase 2)
Build your cages
Wall of shame
Tired

Disamonia Mundi :
Ocean grave
Liquid wings
Red clouds
Parting ways
Last breed
Process of annihilation
A taste of collapse

Celdweller :
The lucky one
One good reason
Louder than words
Eon
So long sentiment
Goodbye

Blood simple :
What if i lost it
Plunder
path to prevail
September
Flatlined

From autumn to ashes :
I'm the best at ruining my life
The after dinner payback
Every reason to
Autumns monologue

Killswitch engage :
The end of heartache
Rise inside
My curse
The arms of sorrow
Take this oath

Wednesday 13 :
Haunt me
God is a lie
A bullet named christ
The ghost of vincent price
Curse of me

Violent work of art :
Different problem same solution
As the sky comes falling down
Requiem (for myself)
Misery loves you
Lord of flies
The worst is yet to come
Wars to win wars to lose

Linkin park :
Don't stay
Lying from you
Faint
Figure 09
Papercut
Easier to run

Lost prophets :
Goodbye tonight
I don't know
Last summer
Last train home
Make a move
Sway

Children of bodom :
Angels don't kill
Bed of razors
Everytime i die
Mask of sanity
Touch like angel of death

Catafalque :
Shadow my secret soul
The wells of (my) heart
Lust and innocence
L.O.V.E. (legacy of virgin eve)

Mudvayne :
Forget to remember
Fall into sleep
Shadow of a man
Happy

Adema :
Do what you want to do
The way you like it
Freaking out
Close friends
Giving in
Pain inside

Dry kill logic :
Paper tiger
As thick as thieves
Track 13
Lying through your teeth
Kingdom of the blind
Feel the brake
My dying heart
In memoria di
Neither here nor missed
Goodnight

there are many more tracks (j-rock/j-pop/reggaeton) but i'll list those another time if i feel like it..

there is more to it than it seems, combinations of songs are present with so many artists / titles there are endless combinations for playlists... this is just a tiny fragment of my entire music database.. currently at around 10k unique songs and around 5k unique artists.. though that was my last check about 6 years back... since then a lot has been added, could possibly have doubled it all since then..

Can't Sleep.....

Been a while since I made a post... and tbh i'm gonna screw off capitols >.< annoy me...
anyhow, lots has happend, extremely lots.. 1 of the most important things in my life happend and i'm really happy bout it, but with  school combined with being sick and feeling like a useless idiot (yes i know i am according 2 some people, i admit its true) i haven't had the time 2 write stuff on here...
So i guess i'll start with some stuff...

Right off the bat, i'm engaged! to the lovliest and sweetest partner alive and i have no regrets @ all, been 3 weeks since that day almost and wearing that ring constantly (its part of me, its like its been the missing piece to fill up a big void, some might understand.. )
It took a lot from me the 2 weeks prior to it all, the day we bought the rings or rather fitted them was.. a day which i hadn't expected but still it was amazing, rapunzel was the shit! but i wrote bout that some time ago already! XD
Anyhow, i had a breakdownish thing but i realized something in particular, something i found out i haven't been doing a lot... then again i had no1 to talk with bout that kinda stuff or any1 tell me to do so.. so its sort of a discovery... anyhow, i'll leave that for sometime else..

It was eventfull, i imagined i'd ask the question @ perfect midnight but that went wrong, ended up a few minutes later ( 13 to be exact :P ).. needless 2 say i was a nerv wreck, i messed up a lot, wrote a poem, had it in my head.. but then i freaked out... whaha... epic comedian moment xD.... did call my mom tho and had a talk with her and she congratulated us which was awsome..  (THX MOM! :D )
Anyhow, the day after that it was another big day, dressed in black with grey i think and a tie... and we went 2 ask her parents for their blessing, whom  in turn decided to pop a bottle of champagne xD guess what they said! whaha..

So yeah... it was extremely eventfull, then i had to get back 2 school homework crap but... something else happend... kind of scared me shitless and that person knows how deeply i care and also what it meant on what was occuring... good thing tho is that it ended in a good way, i'll refrain from this topic because its private, personal and most of all important not 2 talk about in such a way that any1 would find out who / what / etc.

So then all i did was homework homework, and to be honest... i dont recall the last time i've been out with my fiancée... when i got sick last friday at least when i was around her area i dropped by, sick as a dog but i rlly couldnt wait for longer....

Anyhow... i've downloaded FF9 for the ps1, and guess what! I HAVE AN EMULATOR! :D so i played that... kind of finished it! just a few more final weapons to go and some leveling, finishing up a sidequest or so and BAM i've completed the entire game... oh yah.. i should kill that swirly energy ball thing "Ozma" before opeining the Hadies synth shop, but i'll get Ark! finally! xD....
Right... so while i was sick i didn eat anything... well barely... and i had some sleeping pillz and a couple of others.. and as always i got a bloody rash... thank god its gone now cause it annoyed me.... well oke its not entirely gone but its less noticable... anyhow...
i finally felt better but then i sort of got sad.. and more or less locked myself away with fried food and minimal outside world contact...

Things looking up tho for me but i'm still not the happiest till i can see my fiancée, reason being that our schedules are shitty.... both of us have classes 2 attend so we can't see each other as much as we want to.... and with classes comes homework.... meaning i will either have 2 do "homework" @ her place or not see her till the next thursday.... which for me sounds like a fucking hell so im bound 2 intrude in the weekends.. 

Asside from all that, i failed CD so i'll have 2 redo that next year... if i finish all my courses this semester then i'm free 2 do my final intern and finish everything up.. wihch i cant wait to do... will have a few weeks off after that and spend my time gaming and job hunting.. tho i think i'd be 2 busy with a job as everything in life costs money (even traveling.... ) and i'd love 2 buy stuff i'd want or do stuff i'd love 2 do without having 2 bounce every penny around in hopes of not going bankrupt or something annoying like that... so i'll be opening another account for savings and stuff but w/e...

I just dunno tho... i've become restless without my love soo... if i dont want to go emo and /wrists or /headdesk then i'd best be seeing her soon cause i dunno if im gonna be able 2 keep my sanity.... and its noticable on my side... but the same goes for her xD both of us are practically going insane... which is kind of bad.. xD extremely bad xD...

Before i close this off tho, i do apologise for my behaviour and being the idiot that i am... only 1 person should understand what i mean by that, hopefully.. xD...

Right... time 2 continue with homework crap... or have a quick nap or something... hope i can sleep a bit.... will need it!

~Toxin

P.S. I love my fiancée, best you guys know :P cause i'll drop lots just for her... in terms of who i'd drop everything for on the spot would be a few people... After having written down the ranking thing i deleted it cause it would cause some people 2 go "WTF! I AM MORE IMPORTANT!" and i dun feel like dealing with that. Most important people 2 me are Mom, Fiancée, brother / sister ( be it by blood or not ) and then the rests of the people.. (could jot you all down but screw that, would be 2 long of a list!)

Im awake.. xD

Yeah i'm awake, i've been for like hours! whahaha,'expected tho :)
I'm listening 2 a spanish reggae artist and i actually really like 4 of his songs, the rest i'm not really in the mood for.
Been doing some homework and chatting, listened and watched some online streams of SC2 tourneys and a bit of fun. Tonight theres another tourney i'm gonna watch i guess, it'll last for the entire weekend and  i haven watched a tourney in like months! last 1 was GSL like 2 months after SC2 release or something still remember fruit dealer becoming the overmind ^.^  was so ffing epic..  still in search of the kulas ravine game or lolst temple.. the 1 where he lost nearly all his army and then made 10 or so ultras in a train and whiped the floor with his opponents face XD

This tournament i was listening 2 2day was pokeridol sc2 EU, it had TLO in it with some awsome guys like Haypr0 and Sarens, (epic matches between the 2 of them)  SeLeCT, GoOdy, Sjow, Gunnersmate and lots more!
Wish I could've seen all their matches but yeah... not enough casters and lots going on at the same time. But yeah, still the finals coming up and those will be epic i think, TLO in there and hopefully its Haypro against TLO but odds are it'll be Sjow - TLO which i dun like...
Anyhow.. after that its switching over to another stream and watch Psy maby or kiwikaki i dunno, but it would be awsome 2 update a bit on SC2 strats ^.^
Asside from those things i'm bound 2 do more homework... but not now i guess..
Got lots on my mind ^.^  and only a few people know what i mean ^.^ or max. 5 :P...
So yeah no gaming time for me, machine would die on me if i would even try to (its dust clogged again) and yeah.. can still play Ion Assault but i dun feel like it, i wanna play SC2 again... but... so much things 2 do...

So yeah i guess i'm gonna go watch the tournaments and chat and stuff ^.^

~Toxin

What a strange long trip it has been..

Well oke not a strange long trip nut most def. a strange trip this week but a positive 1!
It started last weekend when I was joking with my lovely girlfriend on facebook with a relationship update, from a normal relationship to being engaged. Which was fun :P had a lot of people respond ^.^ had to tell them it was a joke in the end though.
Yesterday, thursday 6th of january, we were going out and had some plans for the day! Jeey it was an awsome day!
We were going to jokingly look at some rings, the both of us don't really like the gold ring stuff with giant gems and the like (horrid huge stones with an awfull color). We went from the centre of Amsterdam walking toward a lot of shops where we found a lot of rings ranging from 200-ish to 8000-ish ? anyways, the majority of those rings weren't awsome! So we went to some other shops further away from the city where we had found a perfect shop, the owners were there and they had 2 dogs there! One of the dogs was a sausage doggy and the other a big white fluffy but cute and gentle wolf like doggy, quite amuzed at how the little dog was overthrowing the big one. Anyhow, we were looking around in the shop and one of the owners asked if we were looking for something in particular on which I replied "yeah kinda"... anyways for a long story short, we ordered 2 rings! ((Once they are done I'll post a picture on here!))

At that point when all was done, I couldn't believe what happend and blanked out.. haha.. badly needed something to drink, which was a good idea! So we purchased some drinks from the supermarket and went on walking in the rain with some1 nearly decapitating me several times ( Still love you hunny ^.^ ). Then came the "we have to tell someone phase". So I phoned my mom, she wasn't delighted to be waking up by the sound of her phone ^.^;; she was skeptical but that didn't bother me too much.
My love decided to text someone in which that same person decided to instantly ring back after reading the text ^.^ Happyness and giggles are a good set of words to describe their chat :P
So yeah.. we went back into town to the theatre to pick-up our tickets earlier for Megamind but instead! we were on time for Rapunzel 3D! which was amazing because we thought that there wouldn't be a show for that on thursday because of the silly website showing a schedule without Rapunzel..
Anyway, I somewhat became completely indecisive because of the rings ^.^;; Thank heavens that it was understandable.. But yeah, Rapunzel was awsome!  and the nacho's with salsa, they were yummy :P
I LOVE how the horse was an active part, THE funniest character in the movie!  And the movie really confirms my frying pan theory, those things are bloody powerfull!

Anyhow, after the movie we went toward her home and had some funny moments with her parents, her dad is the coolest! and her mom was joking with me, she got me, i admit :P
We had some kisses and hugs and didn't want to part from each other... but had to..

After like 3 years I finally met up with a friend of mine and we were supposed to go to the movies on the same night, so yeah, met up with him somehow, he is now a man :P has a job :P and is still as crazy as back then :P but with some more restraint :P
We went 2 see Saw 3D,  awsome comedy movie that was, really enjoyed it, so much humor in it also ^.^ Its not for those that are scared easily but its an awsome movie for those who love to have a laugh in a somewhat ehm.. saddistic way XD

We talked about the good old times, explained him some stuff and he explained me lots also! Was really happy to see him alive and kicking after so long!

Oh yah, I had another talk with mom on the phone before the movie started, and she doesn't object and understands the way i feel and gives us the oke ^.^

I'm really happy and also amazed, but i'm more in love than anything else!

((In general theres a load 2 write but this seems to be enough for now :P))

~ Toxin

Setting up blogspot and some specific random ranting!

Really... this background editing for the blog was a pain in the ass... its not entirely what i intended it to be but it came out oke... so now i'll do the first blogpost with stuff thats milling in my head.. and somehow i think it'll be oke for me to do so now.. since the blog place looks more like i think it should be and feels a bit more like me ^.^;;

So yeah... I've got the greatest girlfriend ever, I love her 2 bits and whenever I think about her i just geel my heart beat way faster! its amazing on how it all happend and how it came to this..

A couple of years back i gave up on love completely, not caring bout it all and not wanting 2 fall in love and completely resist.. but.. somehow i couldn't resist this time and figured i should just try again and if it fails then another 5 years of being single would be a serious thing 2 consider.. (yeah i know.. but 5 years are really short!)
Skipping all the pain because i don't feel like talking about it (will do sometime in the future maby..). I'm really extremely fortunate! if it were up 2 me i'd be with her 24/7 but yeah.. not really possible now...

After a lot of years i've spend crimbo in a happy way, 1st day with family and the second day with my gf and her parents! she gave me the cutest Mickey plushy and its so amazing!
Anyhow, crimbo was awsome!

Then a few days later came new years eve, i didn't have any plans in particular.. thought i'd end up playing some games, have a drink and a laugh with friends.. but before i could even make any plans @ all i got asked so many times 2 spend NYE with my gf that i had 2 give in (not that i minded that :P )  but then came the problem of transport.. especially during the night / morning, subway was out, which meant me going for the night bus with 2x transfers and arriving home at around 5 am?  so gf suggested 2 stay over.. I was kinda reluctant 2 stay over cause i've been staying till around 11 pm on crimbo night and felt that i shouldn't intrude on the change of the year but.. some1 kept asking till i gave in on staying over.. In case it was needed, my aunt would come pick me up (at least she said so when i told her i'm sleeping over).

Anyhow, had a relaxed NYE and had lots of fun playing monopoly and being all clingy huggy and kissy (didnt expect that :P ) the next day it was even more so, which was really noticable ( soz, misses P, didn mean to be so clingy 2 your daughter :P).
Also another thing would be new years resolutions, i don't have anything in specific.. just be happy and love my gf as well as my family (gf more tho :P) and yeah, dont do anything stupid (i know, its like wishing for world peace...)
Gf made some fun resolutions, wonder if she will be able 2 get them all done!

Ah well, i'm not much of an easy blogger and i have no clue on how this reads or how it sounds but its just random ranting i suppose.. maby sometimes with a topic.. i think that for the next post i'll just write first then read it back and after that i'll start thinking of a title ^.^

Time 2 take a shower and get some breakfast coffee should do me good and i'll even spike it (yeah right! XD)

C ya round!

~Toxin

Start of blogging after a long long time...

So to start it off, I guess I should go about blogging...
I'm so not used to updating and writing on a regular basis, which is probably going to bite me in the ass sometimes :)
But in the end I will write stuff on here which will either be bothering me or changing a lot for me.. I'll probably use some hidden posts as a vent for myself and some others for the fun run.. ^.^

So yeah.. most likely all updates will be extremely late in the night since I've got some problems with my bio-clock being extremely annoying and somehow running extremely fast out of energy during the day... Sometimes its SO annoying! lately its been more of a nuisance to me.. Anyhow I'll update this once in a while with some posts... Just hope someone reminds me about it all...

Oh yeah! before I forget... I have terrible grammar and spelling, not even starting on the punctuation.. So if you see some of those "mistakes" and such, don't even bother replying about those ^.^ also sometimes I'll just leave out words for instance "at = @"  and stuff like that.. iirc thats not that much of a problem ^.^
also dont expect me to use lots of anything, if you dont like it then its your problem ^.^

So I guess I'll have 2 start making a blogpost @ this very moment or at least today since i've made this blog ^.^

Till later!

~Toxin